I love snow, I love the holidays. I loathe the commercialism, the pressure. However, I am easily past that and into the "pretty"... The lights, the quaint decor of small towns, the making of Christmas decorations...being an artist, I find this particularly enjoyable. Right now, the tree is up, a light, pretty snow is coming down outside, and soft country music is playing on my t.v. The cat is cuddles up next to me, trying to suck my warmth. I am content.
My husband hates the holidays, all of it. I asked for the weekend by myself so I can enjoy what it is I like to enjoy without his pissing on my mood. I didn't tell HIM that. I just said I had alot of stuff to do and since he had been sick, he should stay home and rest. Is that bad? Maybe I put myself in a little fantasyland of happiness about Christmas...I dunno. I have fond memories of it and of living in a wintry place. I do cling to the past alot, the nostalgia of it all. I wonder, how many people out there are unmatched with thier spouse about the holidays? How do they deal with it, and maintian thier cheerful attitude about it? I feel guilty for needing to get away from him to be able to "breathe" in my holiday spirit and enjoy it unfettered from depression's negative halo. But, no matter how I try to understand how it taints his outlook, I ultimately end up feeling the need to escape to a place where it can't envelope me as well. It's hard, extremely difficult. I began this blog firstly as a way to journal my feelings, experiences, and secondly as a resource for anyone wanting to know if you're alone out there in your own struggles with the disease. You're not. You're SO not. I found this out by visiting: http://www.married-to-depression.blogspot.com/.
For me, this will be my catharsis. A tool for myself. Perhaps by getting it out for my own well being, I can somehow help someone else looking for a way through it.
Snow, drifting softly to the ground on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Heaven.
